55: Liabilities of Being Highly Sensitive
With Dr. Huong Diep, Board-Certified Psychologist
Do you hide your sensitivity and push yourself beyond your limits? In this episode, I talk with Dr. Huong Diep about breaking old patterns of masking and:
• The process of unmasking and making room for your sensitivity
• Navigating the push-pull of simultaneously craving rest and stimulation as a High Sensation Seeker (HSS)
• The challenges of being a BIPOC HSP growing up in an immigrant family
Huong is a board-certified psychologist and HSP/HSS who specializes in helping sensitive and neurodivergent individuals navigate life transitions, emotional overwhelm, and identity shifts. With a global perspective gained from living, working, and traveling to over 50 countries, she blends cultural awareness with clinical expertise to create a safe, empathetic space for her clients. Huong is passionate about helping people embrace their unique strengths, set boundaries, and reconnect with their authentic selves.
Keep in touch with Huong:
• Website: http://www.drhdiep.com
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drhdiep
Resources Mentioned:
• High Sensation Seeking self-test: https://hsperson.com/test/high-sensation-seeking-test
• Differential Susceptibility research: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19883141
• Big Five Personality Traits: https://positivepsychology.com/big-five-personality-theory/#what-are-the-big-five-personality-traits
Thanks for listening!
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This episode is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment with a mental health or medical professional. Some links are affiliate links. You are under no obligation to purchase any book, product or service. I am not responsible for the quality or satisfaction of any purchase.
Episode Transcript
Huong Diep: 0:32
My parents were really young and just in survival mode and certainly didn't understand eye sensitivity. For a lot of folks like myself from BIPOC communities, I think it was a liability to be sensitive. I was this dreamy, book-loving, question-asking kid, always wanting to know more. They were just worried like how was I going to survive?
April Snow: 1:04
Welcome to Sensitive Stories, the podcast for the people who live with hearts and eyes wide open. I'm your host, psychotherapist and author, April Snow. I invite you to join me as I deep dive into rich conversations with fellow highly sensitive people that will inspire you to live a more fulfilling life as an HSP, without all the overwhelm. In this episode, I talk with Dr Hong Depp about unmasking and making room for your sensitivity, breaking old patterns of pushing yourself beyond your limits, balancing sensitivity and needs for more novelty and excitement, as well as the experiences of being a BIPOC HSP, growing up in an immigrant family. Hong is a board-certified psychologist and high-sensation-seeking HSP who specializes in helping sensitive and neurodivergent individuals navigate life transitions, emotional overwhelm and identity shifts. With a global perspective gained from living, working and traveling to over 50 countries, she blends cultural awareness with clinical expertise to create a safe, empathetic space for her clients. Hong is passionate about helping people embrace their unique strengths, set boundaries and reconnect with their authentic selves.
April Snow: 2:23
For more HSP resources and to see behind the scenes video from the podcast, join me on Instagram, TikTok or YouTube at Sensitive Strengths or sign up for my email list. Links are in the show notes and at sensitivestoriescom. And just a reminder that this episode is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment with a mental health or medical professional. Let's dive in so. Hello Hong, I'm so happy to have you on the podcast today. I'm just excited to connect with you a little bit more. Yeah, me too, Super exciting. Yeah, I'm wondering if you could start by telling us your HSP discovery story, how or when you realized that you're a highly sensitive person.
Huong Diep: 3:27
Well, since I'm a regular podcast listener, I knew you asked this question, so I definitely wanted to have an answer ready. So I think, looking back, I think I always knew from a young age that I was different. But out of curiosity, I'm like, okay, now, when did I actually really know? And so I searched through my text email history and it was actually around 2018 when I first started diving into this.
Huong Diep: 3:47
Yeah, so I was reading a lot at that time about INFJs, empaths, enneagram work, and that's how I stumbled into the world of HSPs. And then I just started devouring everything I could from blogs, podcasts and, of course, elaine Aron's work. And then, once I had that term HSP, it just felt like so many moments from my life came rushing back like a mashup of movie scenes playing in my mind of all those times I was called too sensitive or too much or not enough, and you know, naming it brought a mixed bag of relief and grief of really being able to make sense of their experiences and revisiting them through a new lens of like, oh, okay, so like, that's why Right, but no, definitely learning that I'm an HSP has been one of the biggest tools in my road of self-discovery.
April Snow: 4:40
I love that. You said you know I felt different, which is a theme I hadn't considered before. But hearing other people's discovery stories, I'm like, oh, that is a thread that I see throughout. I know something's different about me. If I don't have the language yet, and it's funny, you're like I was researching other layers. You know, being an INFJ, being an empath those are often the things that lead us to realizing oh, I'm an HSP, that's what it is. Yeah, I love that. You mentioned this feeling of relief and grief, and I don't think that that's something we've talked about on the podcast yet.
April Snow: 5:17
The sense of grief. I'm just curious if you could share a little bit about that feeling. What were you grieving when you realized that you're an HSP? Because I had a similar experience. I'm curious to hear your side.
Huong Diep: 5:28
Yeah, I think that grief was just almost like a sadness for my younger self, right, I think, you know, one of the things I do a lot with clients is parts work, and we talked about the exiled and the wounded part, and one of the key activity is, you know, taking out a picture of your younger self and looking at that version. And so, yeah, when I look at this younger version of Phuong, who was told all things, and yeah, I think it is just so much how adaptable like she was and how quickly she figured out how to survive, but I just want to give her a big hug and just be like, wow, like that was really hard for you, and especially growing up in a family where you know come from an immigrant family and we spoke a different language and had different values and customs and traditions. So it's almost like navigating, like being HSP on top of the cultural and intergenerational differences as well. And, as we know, grief is so multilayered that it's not. It wasn't just sadness Then, it was also anger.
Huong Diep: 6:34
I was pissed at all the times that I was. I believed that I was too much or not enough, right? So so, yeah, it's been definitely this like up and down where it's not all roses, I'm discovering and just being like, oh, that's great, but it took a lot too, and I think even with my clients we talk a lot about. Hey, the journey of self-discovery is filled with oftentimes the grief for maybe the childhood or the life, or there's certain roads not taken Right.
April Snow: 7:09
It's so true that there's so many layers and I'm constantly reminding my clients you can feel more than one thing at a time.
April Snow: 7:16
It doesn't have to be one note and there can. Yeah, I appreciate that You're like there's anger and there's sadness and there's all these emotions as you put those puzzle pieces together and think back on not just your present self but your younger self and what she was going through at the time. I think we really need to make space for all of that. Yeah, and I know you are also someone who identifies not just as highly sensitive but also a high sensation seeker, and so I'm wondering how do you navigate those two parts?
Huong Diep: 7:45
Yes, lucky me, yeah. So you know, at first I was like okay, cool, hsp right.
Huong Diep: 7:53
I was diving into learning about that. But there always was something where it didn't like 100% fit with HST, because I'm like, okay, there's also this other part, right, that craves new experiences and a certain level of intensity and novelty. And so then when I came across High Sensation Seeker HSS, like that also clicked too. And so then I was like, oh, okay, great, Now I'm also a guest, right, and I just love the way Elaine Aron has depicted it in terms of, you know, it's always like one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake, right. And so then I'm like, oh, okay, this is why it feels like there's these two conflicting, like dueling personalities almost like inside of me, Right. And that I started to notice pattern of like for myself and my clients, of those who identify as HSP, HSS, through the big five personality traits within psychology. So you know the ocean acronym. So I tend to notice that like for me personally, I scored super high on openness to new experiences, like 99th percentile, right. But then I also scored pretty high on I don't like the word, but it's still neuroticism of the N, right, which I'm like they really should change that. And so I know that not all HSPs score high on N.
Huong Diep: 9:12
But definitely I've noticed a pattern in myself and clients who like score high on O and then also score high on N right, Because like we're the folks who like want to bungee jump or maybe do something new right, but then we also worry about everything that could go wrong right, and then sometimes talking ourselves like out of it, like entirely right. So I think adding that HSS side really then helped me to understand. Oh okay, so when I was younger I definitely leaned more into that HSS side because that was like more acceptable, right, it was the side that was like adventurous and outgoing and that studied abroad and joined the Peace Corps and climbed mountains and all sorts of adrenaline sports right. And I definitely put myself in these like unfamiliar or sometimes risky situations because I loved the stimulation and the newness. And also age helped as well, Right, Sure, but I don't think I realized that I was masking a lot because I would just push through crash, burnout and then like need, solitude, you know, to recover.
April Snow: 10:15
And definitely this was before I understood the dialectic right, the like both and Right, right, that's a good point, that when you're in HSS it is more of an acceptable part. Right, you're more adventurous, you're more spontaneous, maybe more social, you know, just more adaptable perhaps in that part. But then, right, there's a limit and at some point you crash yeah.
Huong Diep: 10:38
Yes, yes.
April Snow: 10:40
What does that look?
Huong Diep: 10:41
like yeah, yeah, I think I I mean, since I didn't know it myself, I think I kind of confused maybe former partners because then, right, we're always sort of putting our best foot forward it's not really our. I was like Chris Rock like joke about like the first three months of dating where you're like, oh, that's your ambassador version of dating, that's not really you Right. So I think my ambassador version really like leaned into the HSS so I would attract, you know, these partners and friends who really enjoyed my HSS side.
April Snow: 11:13
Right, which you know.
Huong Diep: 11:14
I did too, HSS side right, which you know I did too, but after a while, right, you can only mask for so long.
Huong Diep: 11:21
And then I think that part of when you asked about the crash, right, Sometimes it was actually like literally like a crash and or, like you know, like hurting myself right In some kind of extreme sport or just reaching a wall where I'm like I can't do this anymore, in terms of whatever the intensity was of going out, socializing, getting on planes multiple times a month or whatnot. It was, I think, a really rude awakening. And then having to try to explain that to the people that were in my circles at the time because, yeah, I think it was really confusing for them and for myself before I really understood. Oh okay, like how to find that middle ground and almost that like regulation for both the dopamine seeking side, but also like the nervous system regulating side.
April Snow: 12:14
I mean, they seem like such opposites of each other. Yes, how do you present day find a balance? Are you making sure that you have space carved out for each? You know adventure and downtime.
Huong Diep: 12:34
Or is it a conscious process, or is it more in the background at this?
Huong Diep: 12:36
point I would love to say it was in the background, but no, it's still a daily struggle. But I would say, yeah, we all have our things right and I think I've just come to understand yeah, this is my thing of learning that yes, there are so many things I want to do and I'm interested in, but I think, a little bit of reality testing, especially again, I know I'm still relatively young, but you know I've aged and so just, I think, owning up to maybe what some of my limits are now and, I think, really doing a better job of checking in in the moment too. So I think that's where, like, my somatic work and meditation has come in handy, because before, maybe I would just push through and do certain things, even if I like felt discomfort, because I just learned to push through. Right Discomfort, right, like, right, I'm like, oh, I don't really feel like doing something. That's because right. And again, this is where societal messages that's because I'm lazy or that's because I'm a scaredy pan, so that's right.
Huong Diep: 13:39
So instead of being like, oh no, my body just doesn't want to do it, and so now I think I'm much better about honoring, like where I am and even if it's not what I planned or right, but if I wake up that day and I'm like, oh wow, my body's really hurting or this is what my body needs, and really having, I think, the confidence and the respect of myself to myself to be like, okay, well, this is where I am today, and then to communicate that, you know, to others as well, but it is. It's definitely something that will. Practice has got easier, but it's still something that I'm still on the journey as well.
April Snow: 14:17
Yes, it makes sense that you, as you build self-awareness and somatic resources, that you catch yourself earlier, before the crash yeah, you kind of see the signs. That makes sense.
Huong Diep: 14:31
Yeah, maybe part of his wisdom as well. Right when you're now like okay, if I go out on a Friday night and I do this and I do that, I'm probably not gonna have this energy. If I go out on a Friday night and I do this and I do that, I'm probably not going to have this energy.
Huong Diep: 14:39
Or if I schedule this many clients in a row. That's probably not going to be right. So I think, yeah, a little bit more. Maybe a little bit of wisdom kind of come in as well Once you have a certain number of data points and experiences. Right.
April Snow: 14:54
Right, you see the data and the trends.
Huong Diep: 14:56
Yeah, yeah.
April Snow: 15:05
I'm like, okay, am I N of one? I know that this tends to happen. How has working abroad shaped?
Huong Diep: 15:07
your experiences as a sensitive person or a high sensation seeker. I think in so many ways I've done accidental exposure therapy on myself as an HSP, throwing myself into new, loud and sometimes uncomfortable environments through my travels just to prove that like I could handle it and I can to a certain degree, but it's just not sustainable in the long term. But definitely being HSP has felt like a superpower abroad. I can read a room pretty quickly, sense cultural nuances, even when I don't speak the language you know. I remember when I was a Peace Corps volunteer in Peru I was living with a host family and yeah, I mean, even though it was a new family and new culture, like new dynamics, I was pretty able to quickly integrate and become part of the community within a short amount of time because I could just kind of pick up on what was sort of expected of me and the unspoken rhythms of life. And yeah, the beautiful part is I formed deep connections with folks from all over the world and different backgrounds and walks of life.
April Snow: 16:06
Oh, I love that. That is a superpower, being able to not only integrate but also respect cultures that you're in, and just it makes it a much easier transition than you would expect as a sensitive person, since we tend to take more time. But, yeah, we do pick up context clues, even when there's maybe a language barrier, and I've had that experience myself traveling, where I could just kind of settle in pretty easily. You never put that together, though.
Huong Diep: 16:32
No, definitely, it's like the DUS acronym, right, like observation, like just HSPs and our work as therapists, right, right, I'm a very good observer and can quickly observe body language. But I don't know if you feel this way, but I think learning that like this great strength can also be like a great vulnerability, right, so that ability to like, tune in, to adapt, it just means that I've also had a code switch.
Huong Diep: 16:57
Oh, yes, right, just constantly changing and almost being very chameleon-like between the different languages as well, right, so, growing up speaking Vietnamese and English and then I've also, you know, become fluent in Spanish. Right that, like, sometimes I have lost touch with my own voice, and especially in cultures where maybe being seen as like more outgoing or social is like the right way. Right, like I remember in Peru, you didn't want to be known as seria. Seria, which is kind of translates to serious, right, you want it to be like yeah, alegre, right, like happy and joyful and light. Right, so I've just felt that tension. So I think one of the ways is just having to create with, again, lots of trial and error safe spaces for myself when, like living and working abroad, so to have touch points that really grab me, and this is where, like body work, meditation, talking to like certain friends from back home and just my own therapy journey, has been essential to me, no matter where I am.
April Snow: 17:58
It's such a good point that something that is a superpower, it also has its limits, because you can only assimilate or mask or put your own self aside for so long before it starts to be really taxing definitely and definitely it as the older I get as well.
Huong Diep: 18:17
I'm just like not that young backpacker who can sleep in random hostels or train stations, right, I don't know how she did it. I need quiet, I need my own place to recharge, and so, while I still love exploring far-flung places, I just had to get real intentional about like. I set up my space and then, I think, just honor it instead of, like you know, judging it right Of, just like, oh, why don't I want to share a big house with everybody? You know. Just sort of be like you know, guys, I love you, but I'm going to need my own separate space.
April Snow: 18:46
Yes, always need to have that space to retreat. Yeah, yes, and you know, kind of diving a little bit deeper into some of the challenges, I'm curious what challenges patterns you see with the HSP clients you work with who are from immigrant, multicultural or BIPOC communities. What have you seen?
Huong Diep: 19:04
Yeah, yeah, I mean. First of all I just want to say thanks, april, for amplifying. You know BIPOC voices.
April Snow: 19:10
And.
Huong Diep: 19:10
I was really moved listening to Dr Lana Holmes share her experiences asa, black HSP and actually made me reach out to her. So thanks for connecting us.
Huong Diep: 19:19
I love that, yeah, and I think that when we look through like an intersectional lens, right identifying as an other just adds another complicated but beautiful layer to the experience of being an HSP. Right, and I think, like speaking from my own personal experience, my parents are like boat people who fled Vietnam after the war, and so my mom was over seven months pregnant with me when she boarded that boat, not knowing where it would take her or if she would survive. I was born in a refugee camp in Hong Kong before we gained asylum to the US, and my mom then worked in garment factories and sweatshops when my dad studied English and picked up odd jobs. They survived and eventually supported other family members along the way. So, you know, I look back, I see that I come from really no-nonsense people.
Huong Diep: 20:06
Emotions weren't something we talked about, and my parents are definitely not HSPs Lovely people, but not HSPs. The expectation was listen to your elders, study hard, repay the sacrifices your ancestors made. Right was listen to your elders, study hard, repay the sacrifices your ancestors made right. And so I think, looking back, I can hold a duality now, right that my parents were really young and in an arranged marriage, carrying trauma, scarcity, paranoia from war and displacement and they were just in survival mode and they didn't have access to, like parenting books and certainly didn't understand like high sensitivity, right.
Huong Diep: 20:38
And so I think, yeah, for a lot of folks like myself and folks you know from BIPOC communities, I think it was a liability to be sensitive, right, and I think that they were just so concerned about you know how like I was really this dreamy, book-loving, question-asking kid probably my undiagnosed ADHD at that time but you know, it was just always like wanting to know more and like was wanting information. I think if Google existed at the time, I probably would have been on Google or you know, asking a lot of questions. But then it was encyclopedias, right. But yeah, I think it just seemed like a liability to them that I just wanted to read by myself in the corner and so they were just worried like how was I going to survive? So I think that's, you know, I think one of the threads I see when working with other BIPOC or folks who come from marginalized communities or immigrant backgrounds is that there is this additional layer where being sensitive was really seen as this, you know, really bad and potentially dangerous thing.
April Snow: 21:47
Well, absolutely. I mean, I've always seen the ability to embrace your sensitivity as a privilege, because if you are someone who is in survival mode, you come from an immigrant family where it is about just getting through the day to day right, Pulling yourself up.
April Snow: 22:04
Yeah, I imagine your parents are looking at you in the corner with your books and they're like well, but then they start to worry right to be resilient enough to take this to the next level after all the hard work and sacrifice that they made to create this different life for you. I can understand that right. I mean, I'm not a BIPOC person, but there have been times in life where I was struggling more, where sensitivity had to get pushed to the side as much as you can, because it's always in you, but you do have to mask more, so that, yeah, that could be really concerning for parents and I wonder, did that also? Were you aware of that as well at the time? Like, Ooh, I should be less sensitive or different.
Huong Diep: 22:53
Yes, yes, cause I think, being a sensitive kid, you are aware, right, yeah, always.
Huong Diep: 22:58
What pleases and then also a recovering people pleaser, right and over-parentified. I think that intersection definitely led me to be like, oh, this is what my parents need of me, right? Because I think, yeah, they tried to like train me right and again with all the best intentions that if I expressed any worries, they would tell me, hey, don't be a baby. There's like bigger things, like paying the bills and rents and things to worry about. Right, if like loud noises and are like cramped apartment complex overwhelmed me, they would really try to focus on gratitude, which, again, is important, but you should be grateful that we have a home and a roof over your head, right? Or, I was always very silly I'm sensitive to like tags on my like stuff, right, I have to cut them all out, and just different like textures of clothing. But then I was deemed like too demanding or picky. So I think, yeah, I quickly learned, oh, like, don't complain. Like, the more you complain, you're going to get negative attention and people don't like that, right. And that, again, wanting to help my parents, seeing how hard my parents were working, like two jobs all the time, you know.
Huong Diep: 24:05
And, yeah, I wanted to be a quote, unquote, good kid. So then I figured out. Oh, okay, to be a good kid means like I don't complain about these things, even if they really bother me. So, to really try to like younger Hong had to really find different ways to self-soothe in order to complete her tasks to help her family, right? So I understand I mean again as an adult, right that, yeah, it's not even sometimes convenient for me, right For my sensitivities, where, you know, if I'm on a plane and there's certain noises I wish I could tune it out, right. So I understand that survival was the priority. But now that I have again, like you said, the privilege to have more resources that I can now tune into what current needs.
April Snow: 24:57
Yeah right, you can listen to those needs more actively instead of needing to push them aside. Yeah, it's hard, though, because that sensory sensitivity, that tag, can't stop that. But we also have to make sure that we're acclimating to our environment or what parents need at the time, because your parents were, I imagine they just didn't have parents need at the time. Because your parents were, I imagine they just didn't have capacity to think about the tags on your clothing.
Huong Diep: 25:23
Yeah, no, and I think, yeah, I think they were just very confused and I think that again, we also have to look at the intersection of what their values and what was important to them at the time. Right, and maybe growing up during a certain time period of Vietnam and in more rural settings, that there were certain expectations of what kids do, and so I think that, through their lens, I was already quite privileged that my main job was to go to school and maybe other things that maybe them and their siblings had to do, right, so again I can see all the different nuances and have compassion now, from a distance, you know, for for all the players, right, but it was also, oh, my gosh, would I have loved if someone could have named that for me as a child. Just be like, oh hey, like, that's okay that you don't like this tag, like, let's just, you know we'll take it off. For, oh, you don't like this texture, okay, like, what texture do you like?
Huong Diep: 26:28
Like, let's go look at right, cause I do know that the research does show that kids who are HSPs if they get actually the nurturance that they need, that is actually like a double bonus, because they actually then right, they really grow up to be very resilient folks who can honor and nurture their needs.
April Snow: 26:50
So, yes, yeah, because of our differential susceptibility, we take that good and we just soak it up like a sponge and we actually are more resilient, which is not what a lot of people would expect.
Huong Diep: 27:03
No, definitely. So I remember when I saw that research, it really, you know, was so inspiring and, I think, something that I remind clients because a lot of my clients maybe, who are BIPOC or second gen or multicultural or whatnot, oftentimes one of the ways they get into therapy is not for them, but it's because they either have kids or they're thinking about having kids right or caretaking for young children, and so I think they're realizing, oh, I want to break these intergenerational patterns or these different messagings right, and so I think they are very, you know, pertinent when I do share with them like, hey, like, the more you are able to validate and nurture and see and just help your kids understand about their different sensitivities, it bodes super well, you know, for them and also could be a very reparative healing process to them as well.
April Snow: 28:01
Absolutely. I'm wondering if we could get into how you're supporting your clients to overcome some of these challenges we've talked about.
Huong Diep: 28:09
Yeah, I think what I really love doing is, yeah, helping clients be the part of the generation that breaks, like, some of the old patterning and really starts to question you know different messaging and whatnot and that you know. I think, again, we always start off very slowly, I think, for a lot of folks maybe who have already had a lot of fears right about going into therapy. I know that therapy has changed a lot of fears right about going into therapy. I know that therapy has changed a lot since when I first went 20 years ago, it was almost like this you can't tell anybody thing, right. These days. Right, I think it's a little bit more mainstream, but still right.
Huong Diep: 28:46
I think to admit that you, yeah, need some extra support, I think is always like an amazing first step right, and I come from it from a very like, non-judgmental and very affirming perspective. First, by just honoring all the ways like their strategies right, like things like perfectionism, over-parentification, avoidance even, or being a hyper-achiever, right, like has helped them survive, and I just always remind clients that how creative they were younger than we're to adapt, to make it this far, especially growing up with families and cultures that, like, didn't make room for sensitivity, right. And so I think you know the more that they can understand that those behaviors weren't random, that those coping strategies came from somewhere, that they had like an adaptive purpose at one point and it really helped the younger versions of them function and feel safe. But now that really questioning now like, okay, do those coping mechanisms, do they still serve you? Right?
Huong Diep: 29:51
What might be holding you back now? What no longer feels good? Right, because I think that's the confusion I see from a lot of clients. They're like well, perfectionism has always helped me get to this point in my life, but now why is it no longer working? Or having diminishing returns or whatnot, right? Or actually, for so many of my perfectionists they wouldn't even say perfectionism because they're like well, I'm not perfect enough to be perfectionist, enough to be perfectionist, right?
April Snow: 30:19
so yeah, I think, coming from it again in a very like gentle non-judgment, very curious way and such a good reminder that there's resilience, there's creativity.
April Snow: 30:27
You figured out how to survive while being sensitive in an environment that couldn't support your sensitivity right the resources weren't there, the awareness wasn't there, but you got through and I think that's such an important piece to highlight that there's strength and resilience there and now hopefully there's some ability to soften, like a lot of my BIPOC clients talk about that. A lot is just want to soften and let the mass fall down, not be strong all the time, let more parts of themselves come through, but there is an underlying strength and creativity there that is incredible.
Huong Diep: 31:05
Yeah, no, and that's amazing, the work that you're doing and the clients are able to feel that way. And I don't know if you're seeing this. But then there's also a lot of fear of like well, now that I'm letting the mask down, what if I don't like what I see? Or what if, like other people, don't like what they see right? Or oh, like I could have done this. Or like, oh, this is who right?
Huong Diep: 31:28
So I think that's where really meeting folks where they're at and taking it very slowly right as we're unpacking a lot of things, whether it's through like parts work or EMDR, somatic healing, and definitely with culturally informed care, just to like know that there's going to be a mix of like emotions, and that there's, I think for some clients, yeah, it's a mixed bag of the joy, like we talked about, and reclaiming those sensitive parts, to be like wait. So you're saying it's okay that like I'm X, y, z, I'm like, yeah, it's more than okay, that's who you are right. But then there's also like a lot of anger and sadness as they realize how much their younger selves are like belittled or dismissed, things that they would never tell like their child or like another younger person, of course, yeah, there's.
April Snow: 32:17
I mean, I just think about how your nervous system is wired for protection and keeping that mask on, so it can even feel dangerous to start to take it off, and especially in this climate, that danger feels very palpable. So, yeah, so there's a lot of layers there and I think that's an important reminder that, please, you know it's important to go at your own pace and not feel like you have to rush the process or it has to look any certain way. You have to be in control of that.
Huong Diep: 32:43
Yeah, definitely, Because sometimes for some of my clients who you know, like they're overachievers, right, or that type of preference, they're like, okay, let's go full steam ahead, and I also have to like slow them down and be like hey, hey, like right, we want to build this slowly. We don't want to just pull the rug out from under you, because then you'll have no rug to stand on. All right, we're needing to almost like slowly weave like a new rug Right as you slowly start transitioning over to another rug.
Huong Diep: 33:12
And so I use a lot of metaphors, a lot of imagery, a lot of examples in my work, just like yeah, because I think sometimes it can feel really scary and daunting right to engage in this work and I think my clients feel very grounded with me because I think they know again, without overly disclosing in a non-professional way, but I think they can tell and they know that I'm on the journey as well and I'm like, hey, like no one's perfect here, there's no such thing as perfect. We're all learning how to be. You know, we're all souls in this human body having these human experiences, right, and so, yeah, sort of almost. How do you learn more you know about yourself?
April Snow: 33:58
Yeah, it's good modeling for them, like we're all imperfect and figuring it out and you're also walking that journey, so they can trust you in that process.
Huong Diep: 34:07
Yeah, yeah, I think clients really appreciate my you know. I mean, they know I have like all the degrees and they can build up on that and see all of those things. But I think what they really appreciate is they're always like, oh, but you don't talk like a doctor or have this. You know sort of not that I'm not serious like in my work, but I think I really try just to be like, yeah, this is like the human struggle and so, yeah, it feels really good, right, because I think back in grad school sometimes I would get into trouble for not being like professional enough, but I think that's what draws people to me. I think I just speak in a really real way and, you know, try to sprinkle in humor when appropriate, right, because, yeah, this is like sometimes really heavy stuff that we're talking about.
April Snow: 34:52
Yeah, sometimes you need that levity just to take a breath for a moment. Yeah, sometimes you need that levity just to take a breath for a moment. Yeah, I can feel that, as you're talking, just that balance of that solid foundation of knowledge, but also there is some lightness and some playfulness. That's great. I love it.
Huong Diep: 35:09
Thank you.
Huong Diep: 35:10
Yeah yeah, I think you know, again, staying within our window of tolerance, I think that's really important. And then for myself as well, right, Like modeling that, I think you know. Again, staying within our window of tolerance, I think that's really important. And then for myself as well, right, like modeling that. And that, you know, I think oftentimes, yeah, I think I have to model like hey, I think we've done enough digging or sounds like we've dug up some things. Right, like let's just review what we've dug up instead of I think sometimes there's this, you know like it being an HSP is nothing to fix, right. So I think oftentimes people are digging to like fix it. Like the more I understand it, the more I'm going to fix it. I'm like, oh, it's not really something wrong with you. We're not like here to fix anything. I think it's really more about that understanding.
April Snow: 35:49
A hundred percent? Yes, Well, Hong, I'm wondering if there this has been an amazing conversation. I'm wondering if there's any final messages that you want to leave with our HSP listeners.
Huong Diep: 36:01
Yeah, I think something I tell myself is just there's nothing wrong with you. Like I said, truly the way you think, the way you feel, the depth, the intensity you bring to your life, that's your superpower. So, like, surround yourself with people who encourage that exploration, people who help you get curious about who you are, whether that's through support groups, therapy books, podcasts, find spaces where you can hear other HSP stories and, like, feel less alone and, I think, definitely listen to the wisdom of your body, Like if something just doesn't feel good, like just stop. Even if you haven't tuned into your body for years and a lot of us are very dissociated from our bodies it's always there, you can always come back to it and you can really rebuild that trust with yourself.
April Snow: 36:45
Such a good reminder that it's always there, even if you've forgotten about it.
Huong Diep: 36:50
Yes, it's still here Doing its thing.
April Snow: 36:54
Exactly Well. Thank you again so much for everything you shared today and helping us deepen this conversation, bringing more perspectives into our HSV community. I mean, that's such an important piece and I will be sure for any folks that want to reach out to you. I'll share your website in the show notes and I know you do offer therapy consulting work. Could you share a little bit more about working with you?
Huong Diep: 37:17
Yeah, you know, like I said, I'm a licensed psychologist. I'm licensed in gosh. You know five states like California, nevada, south Dakota, new York, dc. I might be missing one, but you can find all on my website. I added all the additional licensures, especially when it's during the pandemic and just during different periods where I've noticed different groups needing additional support, and so I think that was sort of my offering was getting additional licensures so that I could offer more.
Huong Diep: 37:50
And yeah, I'm available for individual therapy, couples therapy and consultations, and folks can find me over my website and I think, just to know that, whether you've been in therapy before or you're brand new to it, I think you can see my style is like very curious and really, yeah, I think, just trying to meet you, like where you're at right, how you got to where you are and how you can move forward in a way that feels like grounded and aligned, what makes you you and that you know. I think, if anything this conversation resonated like, I'd love to hear from you. So, whether it's reaching out, connecting or just sitting with these reflections, I just think there's so much power and sharing our story and finding community. So thank you again, april, for for inviting me on and letting me share.
Huong Diep: 38:35
Thank you, Hong this has been a really beautiful conversation.
April Snow: 38:46
Thanks so much for joining me and Hong for today's conversation. What I hope you'll take away is that all parts of your sensitive self are acceptable and welcome and it's important to make space for them. If you'd like to work with Dr Hong as a therapy or consulting client, you can go to her website, wwwdrhdiepcom. That's wwwdrhdiepcom. Links are also in the show notes. Dot drhdepcom. Links are also in the show notes. If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe to the Sensitive Stories podcast so you don't miss our upcoming conversations. Reviews and ratings are also helpful and appreciated For behind-the-scenes content and more HSP resources. You can sign up for my email list or follow Sensitive Strengths on Instagram, tiktok and YouTube. Check out the show notes or sensitivestoriescom for all the resources from today's episode. Thanks for listening.
